Paul Simon Denier

For too long now that seething balloon of pomposity known as Paul Simon (not real name) has survived unchallenged. For what seems like decades Mr Simon has flounced around the air-waves and pop charts as if he owned the place. With his 'gee shucks' smile and off-putting comb-over, this hanging basket of smugness has clogged up popular culture for far too long.

Take his song America, and in particular the line: "I said be careful his bow tie is really a camera...". Now this seems incredibly far fetched. How likely is that to happen? But there are other examples. The song America features the line: "...laughing on the bus" Again, how about some consideration for those around you Paul. While Simon and his goofball riddled harridan girlfriend are guffawing violently, a young mother might be attempting to rock a hungry child to sleep. The elderly often use this form of transport - they could be resting. The driver may become distracted by a near-naked love child rolling on the floor and cackling their angel-dust laugh of doom.

But there are further examples. Take the song America that features the line: "Pass me a cigarette, I think there's one in my raincoat..." How about a 'please' Paul? Would that be too troubling? Dictating his orders like some half-pint Stalin, screaming his orders in the face of his poor confused companion and keeping others awake. Manners cost nothing - even to you Mr Rock Star. Besides, smoking on a bus contravenes the ordinances of practically every haulier including National Express, First Direct and Megabus.

You'll find a similar tale in the song America. "Let us be lovers, we'll marry our fortunes together..." The calling card of the con man. Some poor unfortunate child, won over by his golden records and celebrity address book - promises of parties and access to discotheques. No wonder her head was turned, only to have her pocketbook emptied as a consequence no doubt. Further indignity is represented in the song America and particularly the line: "...and the moon rose over an open field" I think we can all read between the lines with that one. We are all adults. You should be ashamed Mr Simon - besides I believe that in some of the states you are passing through those sort of antics are illegal.

There you have it - a conclusive trawl through Paul Simon's back catalogue proves that this so called 'songsmith' is nothing but charlatan. In conclusion I will leave you with a line from another song of his, America. "Michigan seems like a dream to me now..." I think that says it all.