I found a cardie. Its not perfect but its nearly there. Might be able to doll it up - or rather doll it down as its currently far too nice looking. Needs to be dyed and possibly some felt-tip added.
But I did hear this sensational titbit in a local charity shop. An older lady was trying to tell something to a new employee who didn't possess English as their first language. It was a fabulous example of someone trying to explain something perfectly simple, getting flustered and using completely inappropriate words. I couldn't work out if she was trying to show her how to deal with an over-ring or how to steal from the till.
'Now if you put the money in'
'But you don't have the money'
'If the money doesn't exist or is elsewhere'
'You've put the numbers in. Here. On the till'
'But there is no money'
'Then put the numbers in'
'Or not put the numbers in but just pretend'
'Yes pretend. You know? You know pretend? Like made up'
'Made up. Make believe. Like fairy tales'
'Not like fairy tales. Though they are pretend. But you pretend to put the money in. Or the numbers. Open it up and pretend'
'When do you want your lunch?'